Timing

I have a strange relationship with timing. 

It seems almost funny since I play an instrument.  I guess by that, I mean, you think I’d be a bit more savvy regarding this topic.  I have found myself so intently focusing on one thing, or controlling another that I missed something far more magical that was falling right in my lap.  We’ve all done it, so that gives me comfort.  As I’ve grown older I decided to learn more about letting things unravel and paying attention to the things on the sidelines .  The universe is insanely quiet.  This has brought me much joy and quiet appreciation.  No one cheers or claps, I just know and that, that is enough.    

The other thing that I’ve come to learn about myself and really adore about my nature is, I live from my heart not my head.  Sure, this has brought some asinine heartbreak but it also gave me glorious love.  So, with wisdom, I’m attempting to hone the skill (still a work in progress) of living from my heart and checking in with my head.  This is something about myself I never want to change and the only frustration, is when I get close to those who live mainly from their head.  One of my best friends is 8 years old, her name is Stella.  When Stella was 5 years old she was on a plane with her mom, looking out the window.  She turned and said “Mom, when I listen with my heart, my head got nicer!”  That’s one of the many reasons we’re friends.  That, and she likes macaroni & cheese.  

 When I hit my 40’s I did the thing many people do, and did some life inventory.  Meaning, I stressed myself out.  What was I doing?  Where was I heading? Would my life matter?  My 8 year committed relationship ended with the person I bought a house and a dog with.  I’m working for Starbucks in a job that I thought was only a transition while I figured out what I really wanted to do.  I took the job at Starbucks because I needed insurance.  My mom and my younger sister had been diagnosed with cancer and I was scared.  Now after some difficult growing pains, I have the house and we have joint custody of the most adorable dog, Chuy.  And, I still work for Starbucks.

Here’s what I do know for certain : sometimes you don’t make your life, it makes you. 

So, when I find myself focusing so ‘heady’ on something I stop and breathe.  When something seems dangerous or unhealthy for me, I let go (oh, and I continue to grind over it!).  I give myself enough space and I begin to take inventory of all the quiet things that are simply beautiful.  I look back on my life and revel in the fact, that it

just

keeps

getting

better. 

This past year I hired a life coach (Dawn Greaney) who helped me listen to what really matters to me.  People matter to me.   I had been worried about finding a new career, when I realize that after 10 years of working for Starbucks, I have an opportunity to take a sabbatical for up to a year  (unpaid, but my benefits will remain intact and my job will be waiting for me).  I hit my 10-year mark on May 12, 2013.  My trip to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro is  August 5, 2013.  

I gotta say… that’s not bad timing.